


i'll never love again

by ttaddeuthae



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:55:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22921387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ttaddeuthae/pseuds/ttaddeuthae
Summary: yes, you are right. this was inspired by the song "i'll never love again"
Relationships: Moon Taeil/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 8
Kudos: 15





	i'll never love again

**Author's Note:**

> henlo! this is my very first (very short) fic and my first contribution to the nct and johnil tag so i'm sorry if it kinda sucks, depressing and ambiguous ;_;
> 
> enjoy!

Youngho stared blankly at the wall, sitting on the cold hard floor, not bothering the warm bed on his back because even though he used his warmest blanket—it still felt cold.  
He turned on the old radio on his bedside table, tuning to any station, searching for any music that could fill the silence in the room. He stopped when he heard a familiar song playing halfway, one of his favourite songs that he had added to some of his playlist.

  
He knew he wasn’t supposed to listen to it. Not in his condition. But he thought it would be just fine. Because for once, he needed to get everything out.

_When we first met  
I never thought that I would fall  
I never thought that I'd find myself  
Lying in your arms_

He still remembered the first time he met Taeil. They were still university students back then. Youngho was playing with his volleyball team when he underestimated his own power and accidentally hit one of his teammates, Jungwoo to unconsciousness. Apparently, Jungwoo’s best friend sat at the bleachers and saw everything. At that time, Youngho couldn’t even focus on apologizing because the angry tiny man in front of him was just too cute to be true.

Even when Taeil was angry, he was cute.

So when Taeil said that he liked Youngho too when he finally confessed his feelings after being friends for more than 3 years, he couldn’t have been happier.

Taeil was everything Youngho dreamed of and craved for. Taeil loved him unconditionally, all the good and bad sides of him. Instead of walking in front or letting himself walk behind him, Taeil walked beside him, holding his hand along the journey, as if telling him that everything was gonna be alright.

Taeil was like a support system that kept him breathing, like a beautiful watercolor that gave meaning to his life. And Youngho promised himself that he would love and protect Taeil with all his might.

  
Because of Taeil, this world became much more bearable.

_And I want to pretend that it's not true  
Oh baby, that you're gone_

Maybe Youngho was stupid. He was so stupidly in love that his life always revolved around Taeil to the point that when Taeil was not there to hold his hand, it was as if he lost his purpose in life.

  
When Taeil left him, it was as if he took a part of his soul with him. There was this empty hollow in his heart. And it wouldn't get better even though the time had already passed.

He wanted to pretend that this was all just dreams. He wanted to pretend that when he woke up, Taeil would be next to him, still soundly sleeping like before.

_'Cause my world keeps turning, and turning, and turning_

Youngho hated it. It was not like he didn't try to forget about the love of his life. Going on unnecessary dates, going out with Jaehyun and Taeyong, drinking his life out, drowning himself in work. But at the end of the day, his mind would think about Taeil again and again. It was as if he was walking on a treadmill.

He definitely walked. But—

_And I'm not moving on_

— he just walked on the same spot.

_Don't wanna feel another touch  
Don't wanna start another fire_

Taeil always touched his forehead when he frowned while doing his work—a habit he got when he had a lot of thoughts and or was under stress. Taeil would softly massage it to loosen up the muscles on his forehead. Taeil didn’t say anything yet he felt so much peace and love from the simple gestures.

Youngho unconsciously touched his frowning forehead, trying to feel the warmth he once felt.

It’s now cold though.

_Don't wanna know another kiss  
No other name falling off my lips_

"Youngho"

"Youngho-ya"

"Suh Youngho..."

"John!"

"What is it hyung?"

"Kiss me."

_Don't wanna give my heart away_   
_To another stranger_   
_Or let another day begin_   
_Won't even let the sunlight in_

Youngho’s beautiful lips started to tremble. All the emotions and sadness that he had bottled up alone started to leak slowly but surely. He thought he could forget Taeil. He thought the time would cure everything just like what his friends said, but no. The wound was still as fresh as new.

Maybe Youngho should have never tried to forget him at all. Maybe he should just live with it since he couldn't imagine his life without Taeil. He promised he would love and protect him so might as well continue live up to his own words. He couldn't break his promise just like that. He couldn't.

Tears that formed in his tear duct finally glided through his cheeks and fell down onto the back of his hand. The song finally came to the end.

**_No, I'll never love again_ **

**Author's Note:**

> if you're reading it till the end, thank you so much! i really appreciate it! comments are much appreciated so i can improve :)


End file.
